By Lydia Clarke
Homesickness, isolation and the consequent loneliness they bring are what many Filipino women face as new mothers in the UK. Without their family or friends nearby to help with childcare or household chores, they long for a space to connect with fellow Pinoy mums to get advice or just to have a laugh. Thanks to Filipino Mothers UK (MFUK), Pinoy mums now have this space.
The Facebook group was created by Catherine Wigley, 41, a Filipino mum herself, to offer a safe platform of support and advice for all Filipino mothers or mothers-to-be – as well as grandmothers – currently in the UK or coming to the UK. The group turns one year on 25th March, coinciding with celebrations of Mother’s Day and Women’s Month.
The group has grown rapidly in a short span of time. From 639 members in July 2021, the group now has surpassed 2,000 members.
The challenges of being an immigrant mother
Catherine shares what it was like for her to be a new immigrant mum. “I arrived in the UK in 2011 and I got pregnant after three months. I found motherhood isolating. Aside from being new, I had not established relationships with my husband’s family and friends. No friends to turn to. No family nearby, only my mother when she came to visit (after I gave birth).”
The feeling of isolation and homesickness became “unbearable” for Catherine, a mum of four with ages 10, 9, 5 and 18 months. She suffered from post-natal depression during the first three years after she arrived in the UK.
In March last year, she started FMUK after a similar Facebook support group was deactivated. She says, “it is very important to have a group like this. I don’t want other mums to feel what I felt when I first arrived in the UK.”
Support for mums during Covid
Covid 19 has exacerbated this feeling of isolation. Even a mum with a grown up son like Nora “Tsrs” Tsourous, says that the lockdowns during Covid made her feel “extremely lonely.”
“The absence of personal interaction gave me the feeling that me and my husband were secluded and isolated. I guess everyone had that feeling during those times. It wasn’t just scary but it was extremely lonely.”
“Having this group felt like it was an opportunity to meet new people. We help each other and support each other. The people in the group have kept my sanity,” Nora adds.
The group offers virtual coffee mornings from Monday to Friday during term time. It is hosted by group admins, moderators or volunteers. The sessions focus on different topics and offer support and advice.
“Our calendar is packed because of the demand,” Catherine explains. “Every day, we have our talking therapies. Our biggest achievement is our bible study. I am a Christian, so having our mums connect with God is a big deal to me. We also have prayer meetings.”
From baby’s health, food selling, to domestic violence
Apart from the virtual coffee mornings, mums get to share a variety of topics through their posts. From baby sleep training to cooking recipes, funny photos to small businesses, the forum is a place for advice, friendship and opportunities.
“We support our fellow mums’ businesses on Saturdays, which is our market day,” Catherine says. Members are invited to promote their own or their friends’ businesses on this day. Food, beauty products, new and used clothes and many other items are sold and bought within the group.
The reason why I joined the group was because I needed support, and they gave this to me wholeheartedly. So, if something happens in the future, I know where to go and I know what to do.
“Amy”, FMUK group member
Members also often open up about personal problems in their posts. Amy (not her real name) shares her experience with domestic violence (DV) and how the group has helped her. “The reason why I joined the group was because I needed support, and they gave this to me wholeheartedly. So, if something happens in the future, I know where to go and I know what to do.”
“I joined the morning chats, and some people shared their experiences with DV. After that I understood what domestic violence was. A lot of people don’t know they’re experiencing domestic abuse until they chat about it.”
Members who share sensitive information often post anonymously, an option which is available to members.
Working together as a team
Catherine has a team of moderators and volunteers helping her run the group. One of the group moderators, Melissa Grace Dizon-Dulalia, believes the group is self-sufficient because of the way it has been organised from the very beginning, with everyone getting involved in helping. “In any type of organisation – whether it’s business, non-profit, or a small community group, or even an online group – the people behind it will make or break it.
“In our group, I am happy that we are united, when any misunderstanding arises, it gets resolved easily. I know the group will grow because of these factors.”
This could be the reason why this group is growing and successful. There is regular interaction over Zoom and daily activity on Facebook. Light-hearted competitions are also held every so often for everyone to get involved and win prizes.
First year anniversary celebration
The group has prepared some contests leading to their first year anniversary as well as activities on 25th March. One of them being their Mother’s Day photo competition, ‘Maganda ka, Ma’ (You are beautiful, Ma). Members are invited to send their photos ‘showcasing beauty’ despite the challenges of motherhood. The last day to submit entries is at 12 noon on 20 March.
Catherine has plans for the next steps to grow and improve the group. “As a short-term goal, we want to be recognised as an official group under the Philippine embassy,” she says. The Embassy works closely with registered Filipino communities and organisations to ensure they’re publicly recognised.
“We’ve been discussing drafting our own set of constitution because we want to be recognised as a charity later on. This is part of our long-term goal.”
Today, the future of the group seems bright. Filipino Mothers UK is growing and will continue to thrive for the women who need it.
About the author
Lydia is in her final year studying Multimedia Journalism at Bournemouth University. She is currently on placement with Tinig UK. A former member of the national swimming team, she likes to keep up with her fitness. Her other interests include fashion and baking. Lydia’s main goal in the next step of her life is to travel and learn about new cultures.
