Ate Emma is Tinig UK’s agony aunt. No matter how big or small, from fashion to finance, she wants to hear your questions and concerns, and will do her best to advise.
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Dear Ate Emma,
Since January, my family here in the UK has been struggling with food and energy bills because they have all gone up! Most of our money go to rent, food and utilities and there’s not much left for savings. I’ve also had Covid recently and feel somehow physically and emotionally low.
Back home in the Philippines, my sister is asking if we could send more money as the cost of my father’s medicines (and almost everything else, apparently) have also gone up. As much as I’d like to send money to my family this month, I’m stressed with how to budget our family income.
So here’s my question – how do I tell my father and sister that I can’t send them money this month? Or that maybe I will need to start sending less than what I’ve been giving them in the coming months?
A bit of background about me – I arrived here in the UK six years ago with my husband and two kids. I work as customer assistant in one of the large supermarkets while my husband works as a carer. Since I came to the UK, I have been sending a monthly allowance (between £70 to £75) for my elderly father who has diabetes. He lives with my older sister, her husband and three children. My sister and brother-in-law have permanent jobs but they are supporting their two unemployed children.
I’m the fourth among six children. My other siblings give whatever they can to help with my father’s upkeep. Although my husband and I earn just enough for our family, my siblings think that I’m in a much better financial position than them which is somehow true.
Conflicted Daughter
Dear Conflicted Daughter,
Hello and thank you for your question. It’s a really hard one to answer and many overseas Pinoys are often in this situation.
You clearly love your father and your family. But if you are struggling with money, be open and honest with them and tell them your situation. This is not easy to do but it’s reasonable to share your burden not only with your sister and brother-in-law but with your other siblings as well. Try to explain to them that the cost of living in the UK has gone up quite fast in the last two months and that your family is feeling the pinch at the moment.
Perhaps try to ask your other siblings (and employed nieces and nephews) if they can also do their bit in contributing to your father’s needs starting this month. Maybe a couple of them can have their turn this month to buy your father’s medicines while you organise your finances. If those of you who are earning can all chip in, then it won’t be all up to you to carry the responsibility of supporting your father.
A problem shared is a problem halved. I’m sure your siblings will understand your circumstances if you open up to them. Ask for their help, too, and plan together as a family how you can all do your bit to provide for your father’s needs.
Ingat lagi!
